I usually respect my sister. Despite her birth nearly two years after my own, Elise managed to graduate college before me. She has visited over twenty more foreign countries than I have (Her: 20+; Me: 0). She has never been in trouble with the law and even does volunteer work of her own volition.
Now I believe my sister Elise to be completely insane. She is currently doing missionary work in Guatemala—and somehow has better access to free internet than I do. And although she could easily escape the horrors and poverty of this developing country by jumping online and delighting in the humor of websites such as this, she has decided to give up the internet for Lent. That’s right, THE INTERNET. As in, the whole thing. Not just Facebook and Myspace. Not just internet porn or video games. Everything. Imagine what it must be like living abroad with no internet. I wouldn’t know, as I’ve never been abroad, but I imagine it to be a lot like living at home with no internet, but somehow much worse.
I’m not one to make sacrifices or better myself in anyway, but I can’t really fathom why someone would give anything up for lent, especially something so vital to survival. I’ll try to quit bashing the absurdity or my sister’s foolish decision (even though she won’t be reading this anytime soon). Instead I’ll turn my attention to my own potential Lenten sacrifices. We’re pretty competitive in the Woods house, so I’m forced to find something more ridiculous to avoid for the next 40 days. Here goes….
6. Hope
5. All forms of birth control
4. Sight
3. Tolerance
2. Sobriety
1. Not masturbating
Sean Woods’s list:
6. Nouns
5. LOST
4. Oxygen (the element, not the network)
3. Use of opposable thumbs
2. Sunlight
1. Wiping
Two things of high importance:
ReplyDelete1) It would defy science for you to find a way to use fewer forms of birth control than you are now
2) This is the second religious-themed post on your site, which I should point out has exactly two posts. Is this a conscious editorial decision, or has your zealot upbringing really affected you this deeply?
And if my vote counts for anything, you should give up "not masturbating." Which I imagine means you will have to do it continually. Chafe on, Christian soldier.
In terms of birth control, that can easily be avoided: don't be a dummy, come on her tummy.
ReplyDeleteBrad, thank you for using my blog to promote onanism, or rather, coitus interruptus.
ReplyDeleteSteve, the religious theme was not an editorial decision at all. I was actually about to rebuff the ridiculous idea that the first two blogs were anything more than coincidence, but everything I've considered writing since has pertained to Catholicism. Perhaps there's something to your theory of my zealot upbringing.