Things to do at a 71st High School Reunion

We now take requests! Usually the inspirations for The Top Six List come from some random observation or bizarre discussion that Dan and I engage in while we should be doing work. But as of today, we now take requests for Top Six Topics. Or rather, suggestions. We’re not going to come up with a list to satisfy every stupid idea brought to us—unless of course we’re paid for it. Come to think of it, Dan Scully and Sean Woods are now available to perform at parties, so book us for your next celebration or corporate event today!

Sorry for that digression. The idea for today's list came to us from our colleague, Monique, who noticed two older gentlemen planning their 71st High School Reunion. “You guys should totally do a list about them,” she urged. “I mean, what do you even do at your 71st reunion?”
If you’re 89, smart and astonishingly internet-savvy, you’ll hire us to perform a list reading. You’ll also provide a microphone and loud speakers, because I speak softly and your kind usually can’t hear what I’m saying. But If you fail to hire us, you’ll probably spend the reunion doing something like this…

Dan Scully’s list:
6. Show up early and bail so you can make the early bird special at Denny’s.
5. Take your Thursday pills on Saturday so you can put that new hip to work in a wicked-trippy dance party.
4. Try to find your picture in the school History textbooks.
3. Blow some lines and try to fuck the Prom Queen, if you can manage to wake her from her oxycodone-induced coma.
2. Scan the yearbook autograph section for dead people and dead languages.
1. Sit.

Sean Woods’s list:
6. Meet a roomful of new people.
5. Brag about all the hot nurses who have bathed you over the last year.
4. Delight in your old yearbook lithographs.
3. Praise dementia for freeing you from all the same “Do you remember the time…” stories you’ve heard for the past seventy years.
2. Buy a round of Metamucil shots for both of your remaining classmates.
1. Go out for a late night dinner trip at 4 p.m., followed by joyriding at 8 miles per hour.